The Weekend in Foolish Attention

Bits and bytes of the week

THE SOLUTION IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF EVERYONE. Some of my younger ushers were aghast.

“You cannot have your smartphone on you during a shift.”

A dozen reasons they had to have them. A dozen excuses of why they needed them. I did not budge. As we jumped into the season, aside from perhaps buying a cheap watch, none of them continued the complaint because they didn’t really miss them. They were engaged in the work. I make it part of my night to keep them engaged throughout. Funny radio codes, constant presence, fist bumps as I walk past them, eye contact. It’ a lot of effort but that’s the trade-off.

If teachers and administrators want to keep phones out of the classroom they must first be unwavering about it and second, focus on keeping kids engaged. Yes, teaching is at least 50% entertainment and if sitting in a classroom doing worksheets is the best you got, live with the phones because the single worst thing for a kid is boredom.

OLD MEN ARGUING. Biden and Trump have reportedly agreed on the rules and format for next week’s presidential debate, which is being hosted by CNN in Atlanta. There will be no audience, no notes, and no help from aides allowed. To prevent the interruptions that made the 2020 debates unwatchable, one candidate’s mic will be muted when the other candidate is speaking.

I agree with James Carville. Trump wakes up that morning and just decides he doesn’t want to it and flakes. No audience? No interruptions? Muted mic? Not in his wheelhouse.

At this point, I’d prefer to see the two candidates compete in a triad of events: Pickle Ball, Corn Hole, and a 100-yard dash. Follow it up with each giving a rant about ‘kids these days.’

SPEAKING OF THE KIDS. “What’s astrology? It’s like predicting something based off of past events that like something else is going to happen,” says one TikToker. “That’s all trading is.” Looks like a segment of GenZ traders are using astrology to gamble their money on the stock market.

It’s not as whacky as eating Tide Pods or bleaching their assholes, so I say live and let live.

BECAUSE IT WORKED WITH CIGARETTES. “It is time to require a surgeon general’s warning label on social media platforms, stating that social media is associated with significant mental health harms for adolescents. A surgeon general’s warning label, which requires congressional action, would regularly remind parents and adolescents that social media has not been proved safe.” —U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy

I remember back in the nineties, while doing shows in Scotland, the warning on the smokes sold there. SMOKING KILLS, all in red. I felt at the time that it was more direct and to the point than the American version yet didn’t stop me from smoking.

Maybe the warnings on social media apps should simply say THIS APP WILL MAKE YOU A HORRIBLE PERSON or THIS APP WILL FUEL YOUR DEPRESSION.

INCHES RATHER THAN YARDS. When one feels stuck in life and it feels like trying to ride a bicycle through deep sand, it is more productive and better for your perspective to focus on inches rather than yards. Certainly, some focus on the long term is necessary but when you’re in that dune, just be happy to get forward in small moments. Once you’re unstuck, the road is easier to travel in that long distance jaunt.

I’m personally out of the sand. I’m looking at yards and miles ahead. The time it takes to work yourself out of that trap is worth an intense focus on those inches. The fun of life is that there are always pockets of sand so pick your battles.

Al Gore is too boring and condescending! I'm not excited about John Kerry! Hillary Clinton isn't likable! That's how you got five hard-right Supreme Court justices, the Iraq War, the Great Recession, a deepened climate crisis, an awful response to COVID-19, loss of abortion and voting rights, and an insurrection at the Capitol. But sure, if Joe Biden isn't for you, I'm sure there won't be bad consequences. —JLCauvin

THE SPA OF KINGS. Thursday was a full day off. I decided I had earned a day at KingSpa in Niles. Steam room, ice bath, three different heated jacuzzis. Eight different saunas (including the 240˚ one that you can only sit in for about five minutes before your face starts to melt off your skull). Napping chairs. An excellent Korean restaurant. All for forty bucks plus the food. The best part? I left my phone at home. Off the grid for nearly nine hours. A physical book. The place was practically empty and it was divine.

Next time, I’ll bring some extra cash and get a serious massage.

MANAGING PEOPLE IS ABOUT NOT MANAGING PEOPLE. Over the years of my work life, I’ve discovered a knack for supervising people. The secret, in my not so humble opinion, is to avoid managing and focus on teaching and then expecting success for the staff. Each person has a different (albeit similar) reason for working the job but everyone requires a sense that they are valuable and are therefore valued. Bad managers forget about the simple humanity of their staff which is the road to dismal results.

Allow for mistakes. Provide chances. Have their backs. Dole out criticism in equal measure with praise. You know, the very stuff that makes you want to come into work. I’m not entirely certain why this evades so many but it isn’t really that complex. It also helps to share the burden with them rather than expect fealty whilst you sit on your ass in an office.

I AM NOT MY JOB. The best part of days off from a high energy, complicated, difficult gig is the reminder that I have a lot more going on than the job. I have my family, I have my friends, and I have time for myself to recharge and re-prioritize. I’m in a city with a million things to experience. A day off earned is a slice of Nirvana and a solid reminder that is more than work to feed the soul.

It’s also that time to start seeking out the winter gig. The park contract ends at the close of September, so I’m putting it out there for either a winter contract of some sort or a full-time thing. The contract model means I can do the park again next summer, the other is a different beast. Hell, I can always re-instate my teaching certificate in Chicago and substitute teach but that’s not my preference. The teaching school thing is my sister’s wheelhouse and she’s incredible.

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That’s the week, gang! If you’re in Chicago, swing by the park during one of the many concerts and say hi. It’s getting hot. Hydrate, for crying out loud!