The Weekend in Foolish Attention
Bits and bytes of the week
THE CUP FILLETH. As May approaches, so does June, and the time is getting squeezed by what will be one goddamned busy summer in Millennium Park. I joined Hinge to see who was worth dating and realized quickly that I don’t have the freaking time to date let alone scroll through a dating app. Planning on major festivals and events in downtown Chicago, making sure our equipment is functioning, making sure I get in gym time, sleep, and manage to swing down to Wichita for Mother’s Day has me moving and shaking all day and night.
Exactly the way I like it.
TICK TOCK. Looks like Congress and the president have officially banned the social media app most like the cicada infestation if the flying horde was Chinese. They have a year or so to either be sold out from under Chinese control or be banned outright in the states. People complaining about this have a legit gripe but, given I basically despise the app, I’m not one of them.
I tried TikTok for exactly three hours once, threw my phone across the room in dismay, then picked it up and deleted the thing. I am not one of those affected by the ban save for the schadenfreude I feel for those so addicted and afflicted. Especially those who have made a living via TikTok having effectively replaced journalists and writers. Zuckerberg, however, is dancing in an empty office.
TODDLERS NEED TO BE KEPT IN A COOLER. Comedian Arj Barker had to cross a newfound boundary during a show in Australia on Saturday night at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
In the middle of his hour-long gig, the comedian, known for his observational and satirical style, made the decision to eject the mother and her 7-month-old baby, prompting some in the audience to leave the show in solidarity with the mother. Other patrons reportedly heckled her as she left.
The interaction sparked fierce debate in Australia about the rights of mothers to take their babies wherever they like, and an entertainer’s right to perform without interruptions from infants, who some argue should be left at home.
At this point, babies are just slightly different from adults losing their shit in public over a mistaken fast food order or being asked to put in headphones on public transit. The difference is that most of us (except Himmel, of course) can beat the shit out of a squalling baby. Mom should be thankful the kid didn’t get a knuckle sandwich from a college student feeling the cries were about Zionism.
INSPIRATION.
Samuel L Jackson got his first major movie role aged 40.
Sigmund Freud created therapy while completely whacked out on cocaine.
Tolkien started the Lord of the Rings at 45, and finished it at 63.
Hemingway was a narcissistic alcoholic.
Darwin published Origin of the Species at 50.
Hunter S. Thompson created an entire genre of journalism while on high on everything.
Harland Sanders founded KFC at 62.
You’re never too old to start.
“A good law of history is that if you ever find yourself opposing a student movement while siding with the ruling class, you are wrong. Every single time. In every era. No matter the issue.”—Jeremy Flood
…yo, Flood? Except for the student run Maoist revolution in China (brutally wrong and violent) and all those Hitler youth, right? Also eating Tide pods, parachute pants, and Woodstock ‘99.
MUST SEE. So far, Survivor 46 is one of the best I’ve seen. Mom and I recap every week and she agrees. Neal Brennan is on Netflix and, while I’m late to his game, he’s doing the far funnier version of what Hannah Gadsby has been trying. Sugar on Apple+ is killer. Fallout (Amazon Prime) and Palm Royale (Apple+) are trying too hard but worth a look. And Star Trek: Discovery is killing it in their final season.
UNHINGED. I’m writing a longer article about my dating app experience (hint: I’m not really ready to date but I look to browse for now) and here are a few thoughts for the profiles I've seen in the past few weeks:
• If your college age daughter is hot, best not put up a picture of the two of you together. Dudes are visual and the newer model is the one they're looking at.
• Men with serious money aren't going on Hinge for dates so your clarification that you want to travel the world is like wishing into a Fritos bag.
• Don't use a filter on your photos. We can tell.
• Telling prospective dates that they need to be active because you're always 'on the go' is an empty challenge. Guys who hike, run, or are into serious fitness aren't on Hinge. They don't need to be.
• Pickleball? Really?
Thus, the week! Spring is on its way. Smell a flower and wear a t-shirt in public. Viva la Sunshine!
Aces as always.
One disagreement, however. 80 is too damn old to start anything except an argument.
You know why you are like a garlic pizza? Because you always ate all of the pizza before vicki and I could pull our chairs in!!!!