The Weekend in Foolish Attention

Bits and bytes of the week

UPENDING THE PARADIGMS. A paradigm is a carefully structured box in which to navigate the world or it’s a mental prison. It’s a focal ladder designed to follow in lockstep with the rest of the crowd. It’s the invisible cage that keeps us marching in line, thinking the same thoughts, doing the same deeds, convinced it’s all part of the grand scheme. If everyone falls in line, it must be right, right? You live in it, you breathe it, and you’re too doped up on conformity to even question it. Break the paradigm, and the walls of reality shatter, revealing the madness beneath. But who’s got the guts for that?

Until this summer, it never even occurred to me that working as a front of house guy was a viable gig. I mean, I knew I was good at it, arguably really good at it, and the work is fun. I was locked, however, into a paradigm of my own making that said that producing events was the thing I did best and thus should be the thing that pays my electric bill. The problem was always that when the crowd goers one way I almost always go the other direction. If I’m in a group and we all agree on a specific idea, even it is likewise my opinion, I’l try and poke through the idea for flaws for no other reason than I disdain group think more than I like my own opinion. This tendency translates into a tyranny of my own natural contrarianism and the only people who hire me are looking for something wildly different. Most employers are not looking for different, they’re looking for exactly what has worked a million times over but with a fresh coat of paint. With this summer, my events paradigm has been upended, I saw an entire set of possibilities in front of me I had willfully ignored before, and violá, the Gig Du Jour looks to be a gamechanger.

Further, if you’re reading this routinely, you know I’ve met someone. I’m nuts about her but she operates on a completely different paradigm when it comes to dating and courtship in general. The box I’ve pursued for as long as I can remember is marriage. Lifelong commitment. As my mom puts it, I tend to take the pie that is my time and energy and give the whole thing to a woman I am with, leaving no fucking pie for anything or anyone else. The rub is that that model—monogamy, marriage, twenty-four hour access, shared finances, cohabitation—has never worked for me despite my insistence that, goddamnit, it should. I just need to pick the right partner or be the right kind of husband. A. offers a new paradigm to pursue. I know now what I don’t want. After the last and final, I made three rules: No Marriage, No Living with Someone, Never Bring Home a paramour to Christmas. Whether I truly believed I was capable of those benchmarks, I set them out.

I’ve met someone new who is completely aligned with these rules. My time with her is limited but lovely and, given the shift to enjoying limited exposure, it’s like dating an airline pilot—we connect when she’s in town and I have plenty of pie for everything and everyone else. A new paradigm. A gamechanger.

For thirty years, I drove to Wichita in July and in December and pretty much that was the structure of family life. The paradigm had been set and we all went along with it as if that was the only option. After the year and half suddenly realizing how small that choice had made my world, I decided shorter but more consistent trips to be with my family was a different road. A new paradigm. And this new approach is vastly better. I feel more connected to my people, mom doesn’t cry like she’ll never see me again when I split for Chicago because she knows she’ll see me again in a matter of six to eight weeks, I’m less the peripheral son/brother/uncle. Gamechanger.

Yeah. Now I’m searching for more of these pre-determined cages to shatter but maybe I’ll stick with these three for now. They seem to be working and resulting in exactly what I want and need. One the other hand, why is it so essential that we wear clothing in public? REVOLUTION!

BUGHOUSE! PODCAST. Yeah, you may have missed the relaunch but you can experience the glory of diabolical debate via a recorded and edited podcast. While you’re at it, you can peruse past debates and give it a review. Rock!

ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY? Sean "Diddy" Combs is facing an exponentially growing number of sexual assault allegations after a Texas-based attorney announced 120 accusers have come forward.

WTF? I understand the power of celebrity and money but how does the guy get away with 120 sexual assaults? I drove through Western Kansas once, got a ticket, and those fuckers chased me like I was Dillinger to get their fine. I mean, based on the notion that at least some of the accusers are cynically cashing on fame and lying, there’s too many to find that theory remotely credible. Since we’re all now used to repurposing words with new meanings these days, I think “Diddy” must have a new connotion. To ‘diddy’ someone?

THE VP DEBATE. Vance did the thing I was afraid of. As Harris is steadily moving to the center in her policy statements to appeal to the majority of voters, Vance’s hat trick was repackaging Trumpism and making it sound reasonable and moderate. Turns out he may have been a smart move.

A WEEK OFF. Honestly, I have no fucking clue what to do with myself when I have a span of time off. It kind of drives me nuts. I’ll rest when I’m dead and that sort of thing. I’m in that ‘in between jobs’ place, starting at the Auditorium next Monday and the CIFF the following Thursday so this whole freaking week has been a vast void of time to fill with… anything. I’ll confess it’s nice to relax and recharge after the summer but Holy Balls, I need stuff to do!

THE BOXES WE ACCEPT. Having some conversations lately about the labels we despise while embracing our own. Red and Blue State. All stripes of religious and belief systems. Binary, non-binary, cis, trans. The simple minded hypocrisy of railing against the boxes others find comfortable but clinging to your own is everywhere and in the New Paradigm Donnie mode, I’m looking hard at the boxes I crawl in and why it seems so important to have them in the first place. I recognize at the core, absent of the labels, most of use have the same values and ethics in place. Rather than zoning in on the boxes, observe the behaviors driven by values and I believe we’ll find most of us (minus the fringe nutbags on the outer perimeters of society) operate in near parallel.

Do no harm and carry on.

NOT TO JINX IT, BUT… I’m known by a lot of people to be someone who inexplicably lands on his feet. You know, the fall down seven times, get up eight sort of thing. Once again, after being served up an enormous shit sandwich a few years back, I have a stellar gig with benefits and will be a blast, I’m getting back into the arts scene without the baggage of pre-Las Vegas bullshit, I’m feeling more a part of my family, and I have someone in my life with whom I can be romantic. Not too bad in my book.

---

Next week, I start at the Auditorium Theatre, I jump into the house management for the film festival, and I’ll be busier than I’ve been, well, since this summer. October will tight when it comes to finances but I’ll be flush in November and rocking this thing called my life out.

That’s the week and take stock of where you’re at because it can change on a dime and sometimes for the better.