Ok. Here’s an update. I’ve made contact with my inner rap-lite artist & attempted to write you a lyric, using all the aforementioned rhyming words. Bear in mind that this may or may not apply to you, given that the only things I know about you as an adult are from your books & your Substack. If you like it, peachy! If you hate it, I’m gonna blame it on my dysfunctional Abby Normal brain.
I’m a slick edge rusher, like a sled dog musher
Ain’t no time, ain’t no crime to be a romance husher
Still be hopin,’ never mopin’ like a funeral usher
Ain’t no drugs, call me Bugs cuz Imma carrot crusher
[flow switch]
Makin’ upholstery plusher, ride this shit on down the flusher
Do your job, I ain’t your mama, she a movie crowd shusher
What’s up Doc? Sin ain’t no fee, I maintain my shit for free
What you get is what you see, I ain’t no one else but me.
I’ve no idea if any of this is offensive, since I’m low on street cred. (WTH does that even mean?! I don’t know.) Apologies in advance if this causes offense. 😬😎🤷♀️
Good on Harvard for not caving—a la Columbia, et al—but when you take money from whoever, it's never free. Philip Glass didn't take commissions when he was starting out because, he said, they give you money and take control.
Considering my birthplace, optimism is a foreign concept to me.
Bud...have a hell of a time with family in Kansas!!!
I'm locked in on your comparison data. Sadly I have found no through line between edge rusher, extreme mascot, Mr. Roper, & Bugs Bunny. Extreme mascot is incredibly vague & is causing me slight anxiety. Was it meant as a compliment or an insult?
So far my only thread of connection is the following ridiculous rhyme scheme which stretches the limits of tensile strength to the point of absurdity. Here is my working hypothetical rhyme based on Edge Rusher as the key:
Edge rusher (Edge rusher)
Sled dog musher (Extreme mascot)
Romance husher (Mr. Roper)
Carrot crusher (Bugs Bunny)
Alternative extreme mascot contenders are: toilet flusher, funeral usher, upholstery plusher, & movie crowd shusher, but as you can see the rhyme hypothesis becomes more obtuse as it goes. It is also painfully obvious that I will never write for Hallmark, nor Nancy Drew my way out of a mystery, nor assist a modern day sleuth with cracking the next DaVinci code.
I should cease this preposterous endeavor to avoid succumbing to further delusion. But I'll champion my own delusions from a goddamed soap box, before I fall prey to the whims of He who shall not be named ("Vladamir, STOP!" Yes, you foolish asset stuffed in a cheap ill-fitting suit. Nothing stops a daddy narcissist more than a toddler narcissist yelling "STOP!") lest I alert the algorithm to my presence & wind up atop a funeral pyre for being a witch chanting disastrously worded spells like Samantha's dear old aunt Clara.
Have an amazing time with your family. I too would like to hear your sister's prom tales, if she consents.
I do not have the skills to write a Dolly & Lemmy song, so I did what I know (ha ha) & turned it into a rap. Just posted it under Don R’s original post.
Ok. Here’s an update. I’ve made contact with my inner rap-lite artist & attempted to write you a lyric, using all the aforementioned rhyming words. Bear in mind that this may or may not apply to you, given that the only things I know about you as an adult are from your books & your Substack. If you like it, peachy! If you hate it, I’m gonna blame it on my dysfunctional Abby Normal brain.
I’m a slick edge rusher, like a sled dog musher
Ain’t no time, ain’t no crime to be a romance husher
Still be hopin,’ never mopin’ like a funeral usher
Ain’t no drugs, call me Bugs cuz Imma carrot crusher
[flow switch]
Makin’ upholstery plusher, ride this shit on down the flusher
Do your job, I ain’t your mama, she a movie crowd shusher
What’s up Doc? Sin ain’t no fee, I maintain my shit for free
What you get is what you see, I ain’t no one else but me.
I’ve no idea if any of this is offensive, since I’m low on street cred. (WTH does that even mean?! I don’t know.) Apologies in advance if this causes offense. 😬😎🤷♀️
Good on Harvard for not caving—a la Columbia, et al—but when you take money from whoever, it's never free. Philip Glass didn't take commissions when he was starting out because, he said, they give you money and take control.
Considering my birthplace, optimism is a foreign concept to me.
Bud...have a hell of a time with family in Kansas!!!
Good morning!
I'm locked in on your comparison data. Sadly I have found no through line between edge rusher, extreme mascot, Mr. Roper, & Bugs Bunny. Extreme mascot is incredibly vague & is causing me slight anxiety. Was it meant as a compliment or an insult?
So far my only thread of connection is the following ridiculous rhyme scheme which stretches the limits of tensile strength to the point of absurdity. Here is my working hypothetical rhyme based on Edge Rusher as the key:
Edge rusher (Edge rusher)
Sled dog musher (Extreme mascot)
Romance husher (Mr. Roper)
Carrot crusher (Bugs Bunny)
Alternative extreme mascot contenders are: toilet flusher, funeral usher, upholstery plusher, & movie crowd shusher, but as you can see the rhyme hypothesis becomes more obtuse as it goes. It is also painfully obvious that I will never write for Hallmark, nor Nancy Drew my way out of a mystery, nor assist a modern day sleuth with cracking the next DaVinci code.
I should cease this preposterous endeavor to avoid succumbing to further delusion. But I'll champion my own delusions from a goddamed soap box, before I fall prey to the whims of He who shall not be named ("Vladamir, STOP!" Yes, you foolish asset stuffed in a cheap ill-fitting suit. Nothing stops a daddy narcissist more than a toddler narcissist yelling "STOP!") lest I alert the algorithm to my presence & wind up atop a funeral pyre for being a witch chanting disastrously worded spells like Samantha's dear old aunt Clara.
Have an amazing time with your family. I too would like to hear your sister's prom tales, if she consents.
That would be an epic mash up! Or should I say “eardrum gusher?”
Oh dear… the plot thickens…
<EVILGRINNNNN>
Yer crackin' me up here! I want to hear the duet of Dolly Parton and Lemmy singin' yer thyme over music by Diamanda Galas...
I do not have the skills to write a Dolly & Lemmy song, so I did what I know (ha ha) & turned it into a rap. Just posted it under Don R’s original post.
Optimism!! It’s a beautiful thing!